"I thought switching to diet soda would be the only lifestyle overhaul I would have to suffer through," commented bed-sore ridden, 560 pound, Bertha Buford of Nometh, Arkansas.
"But three days after I started my diet soda switch, I had actually gained 12 pounds, and that's when Mama whipped me with her yard stick and told me I'd have to go to Joel Osteen's fat camp in Texas ."
Ms. Buford isn't alone in her victimization by large corporations like Pepsi and Coca-Cola, preying on the weak, innocent citizens with their false advertisements of "diet."
On the hospital bed next to Ms. Buford lies another law-abiding, unassuming casualty of the so-called "diet" soda scam, Martha Browning. Weighing in at a measly 429 pounds, Ms. Browning also fell for the new-fangled soda diet.
"I just thought they messed up them words on the front of the cans to say 'diet' sodey instead of 'sodey diet," said Ms. Browning of the Parade brand diet orange soda.
All Ms. Browning has lost since starting her new "sodey diet" is her dignity.
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